just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
