im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
