i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
