Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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