She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
