I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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