Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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