It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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