Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
