I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
