i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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