Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
