Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
