If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
