I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
