she was so not down for the gang bang
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
