What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
