my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
