I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
