She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
