he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
