Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
