Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
