no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
