im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
