you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
