So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
