Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
