her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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