a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
