ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
