So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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