pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
