You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
