somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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