God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
