Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
