I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
