official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You dont lie about slip and slides
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
