Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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