He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
