Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
