oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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