My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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