his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
