trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
