if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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