When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
