he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
