youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
