i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
