census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
