Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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