hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
