the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
