Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
